Dreams, Ambitions, and Alternate Realities

My biggest affliction is that I live inside of my head. I am constantly being struck with new passion for things I want to do in my lifetime. I have lists upon lists of the things I want to learn, to make, to do and a rough plan to make them happen. Then, my daydreaming gets out of hand and I tend to not get anywhere at all, but instead run in circles.

"Plans are only good intentions unless they immediately degenerate into hard work." 

- Peter Drucker

Getting older, living life, seeing this mistake repeatedly has made it an easier one to avoid. I am learning how to make reasonable moves from point A to B without trying to get to C to Z at the same time. What gains and losses will occur between points A and B? How do I make points C to Z fit in sooner? Life moves slower than I expected at fifteen. I have to remember patience.

A friend told me "you are like an adventurer who hasn't had the chance to go on many adventures yet." This couldn't be truer. How do I make my adventures happen? Planning. Focus. Dedication. Patience. Passion.

I recently wrote about my excitement to learn environmental engineering. This is still huge for me, I am so excited to be doing this, and what a revelation it was to see that for the whole of my life - while seeking out the most efficient ways to do things, being conscientious of the environment, choosing my future home based on environmental factors, climatology internships and studying atmospheric science - the dream job was right in front of me. You'd think I'd have pointed myself in this direction sooner. No regrets, however. I had a big dream, to become an astrophysicist and answer the questions of the universe, not just the hows, but the whys. If the world wasn't so at risk of not being able to heal itself, perhaps I would still feel some liberties to pursue that career. Perhaps if I were to be born a century from now, when the engineers and scientists of my generation have healed the wounds of our ancestors, perhaps I would study it then. But, it will always be a part of me and part of my future so I am pleased with that.

For me, there is more than just wanting to see the world. I want to experience it. When I say I want to experience the world I mean, for example, I want to visit Ireland and know and feel what it was like to grow up there a century ago when the culture belonged to itself, was based off of the land, when I'd probably live on a farm, and read about history and fairy tales. What if I was born, raised, and died in Alaska in the early 1900s? What would it be like to experience Christmas in Italy in the 1970s? What was it like to be a teenager in America in the early 90s!? Or better yet - the 80s.  I imagine myself living a hundred different lives. These are the ideas that hold me captive. My imagination still runs completely wild - and I'm honestly happy about that.

"The greatest danger for most of us is not that we aim too high and we miss it, but we aim too low and reach it." 

- Michelangelo

I am thrilled at the idea of traveling the world, but a smidge saddened. I won't have the depth of understanding for a lifestyle as someone who has lived it for many years. The world I want to visit is disappearing. Many countries are coming into their own in the age of technology, many old ways are disappearing in newer generations. It is happening at an alarming rate. But, one day, we could be a global community... I just hope we are still full of culture.

For years there are things I have talked about with my friends. Since I was in high school I wanted to travel during college, and that never happened. I wanted to learn Japanese, to visit the country for a year, (really to grow up there and experience a trimester based school system, which makes way more sense). I want to take photographs in rural China, roam Europe on a Vespa, to understand the French way of life, the German way, the Croatian summers, and the British winters. But how much time do I have? I'll have to settle with visits. I need to be happy with my own history that is here, in America, instead of fantasizing about the richness of culture that exists in the Old World. Perhaps one day I will emigrate to another country, but for now, I am also grateful for the opportunities and people I have found here.

I keep this list of dreams posted in one place. Making dreams reality is absolutely a necessity of life for me. I may not get to every single one of them (learning eleven new languages might be a bit much), but as life goes on, I hope there are experiences on that list I will be able to return to, or share in a creative way with others.

For now, my focus is studying and gearing up for graduate school. I would love to move out of NYC and have a house in a place where I can watch the earth spin and not my head, but the program I like is here and so I will dedicate myself to making two things happen: getting into grad school and finally teaching abroad, experiences I suspect will both be very rewarding. Focus... focus... focus... SQUIRREL!

"Take a deep breath, count to ten, and tackle each task one step at a time." 

- Linda Shalaway

I tell myself everyday that everything will turn out just fine, as long as I try my very best.